31 classes/32 days

This is the first time that I am in yoga debt during this challenge. I'm fairly certain that I have a pulled muscle somewhere around my abdomen. I'm popping ibuprofen, and I have a heating pad strapped snugly to my stomach.

I'm hoping that a day off will help the healing process. I'll do a double to make up this deficit as soon as I am able.

(Yes, I feel very guilty for not going to class.)

29 classes/29 days

I was hit with a dooming trifecta in class today.

1. I wore aviator sunglasses while on a whale-watching boat off the coast of Provincetown, MA, and have an ... interesting sunburn on my face (think raccoon). 
2. My side hurt worse than ever before and the pain was wrapping around my side into my back, rendering impossible any posture involving my abdominal muscles. I refused to push past the pain today ... it was too intense!
3. My stomach hurt.

In all truth, I probably should have skipped class today. I feel bad for resting out so many postures and sucking the positive energy from the room while everyone else works so hard. I console myself by saying at least I worked on some muscle memory by locking my leg and balancing in the beginning of the standing series. And I was able to do a pretty killer Fixed Firm Pose by pulling my shoulders closer to my hips to create a deeper backward bend and stronger tourniquet effect.

As bad as my body can feel in class, I still crave the yoga and look forward to class tomorrow. It will be my 30th day!

28 classes/28 days

I have practiced Bikram yoga 28 times in as many days ... but it seems more like a routine than a challenge at this point. The yoga studio provides a fantastic sense of community and support. Ann Marie brings in great teachers who have taught all over the world, and it's amazing to hear and connect with each new teacher's words.

I wanted very badly to connect tonight with Emily's (instructor who owns three studios in Anne Arundel County, Maryland) words, but I felt dizzy and nauseous for the first time since I started this challenge. I had trouble balancing on one leg. Sucking my stomach in for postures made me feel fatigued and breathless. I feel like I gave my all in the first breathing exercise and the rest of the standing series was spent trying not to feel like a failure -- trying not to think about how great the past few classes were and how difficult this class was.

My left side has been cramping and causing me pain that varies in severity from posture to posture, and tonight's class was no different. I actually spoke to my doctor yesterday about the pain -- it's not my spleen or my large intestine, so I imagine it is from the yoga. I know my body is changing, and I can see and feel the changes although they may not be readily apparent to others.

Although tonight's class was tough for me, I stayed true to the goal I blogged about yesterday and did all of the postures to the best of my ability in the floor series, despite feeling fatigued. Tonight's class marks the first time I have ever pushed past fatigue -- I usually just rest out postures when I lack energy and stamina.

27 classes/27 days

Catra (short for Cleocatra because of the stripes shooting out of her eyes), our 6-month-old kitten, woke me up at 5a.m. this morning, so I decided to take the 630a.m. class.

How can anyone resist this adorable face?

Class went well, and it didn't feel like a double (I did a class at 6p.m. last night, too).

I find myself engaging in too much anticipation and not enough doing. I've been trying to curb the drama and allow my body to follow the teachers' dialogue instead of allowing my mind to talk me out of postures. And that's what convinced me to do the 630a.m. class -- instead of worrying it was too much in too short of a time period, I just showed up! Next thing I know, it's 8a.m. and I've already done my Bikram class for the day!

I especially need to work on not anticipating what I perceive to be the negative effects of postures. For example, whenever I do locust, I have a hard time doing full locust next because I'm still trying to catch my breath and slow my heart rate. I prefer full locust, so I sacrifice locust. But how am I ever going to get through a class doing all 26 postures if I don't build strength in each and every one of the postures? Again, I just need to let the words guide my body and stop letting my mind convince me I cannot achieve my goal. I need to put matter (body) over mind (as opposed to mind over matter) ...

25 classes/25 days

I'm on a Bikram yoga high. Great class this afternoon! My body and my postures feel inexplicably different -- little changes day by day. Yay!

24 classes/24 days

This has been a rough week for me physically -- lots of stomach issues that would have kept me in bed if not for this challenge. Attendance is compulsory, and I treat it as such. I am not giving in to lame excuses (something of which I am proud). 

I rested out the floor series for the past few days, but today I felt strong and rocked out straight through the floor series! I was having some stomach issues again, so I took ibuprofen before class, which seemed to help. (But I feel so guilty taking ibuprofen! We're supposed to feel the pain inside the hot box, and ibuprofen dulls the welcomed pain sensations.)

I'm still working on strengthening my arm and leg muscles, and I'm still working on correcting my pelvic tilt. I no longer feel lower back pain thanks to such corrections, but I'm approaching the back bends differently -- trying not to bend from the lower back and making sure my upper and middle back are bending, too. 

Yesterday in class, Ann Marie commented that while Half Moon is a flexibility enhancing posture for most people, it is a strengthening posture for me because I already have the flexibility (I was just born with a flexible spine -- it's not something I've worked toward). My hands twist like Oreo cookies in the first part of Half Moon, and I need to work on straightening my hands and gluing my palms together up to the wrist. Half Moon is now a very challenging posture. 

Lynn Whitlow, a senior teacher on Bikram's Teacher Training staff, is coming to our studio in two weeks to teach class and hold a posture clinic. I'm so excited to learn new expressions of the postures. Right now my goal is to be able to do the entire class without sitting out a single set of a posture when Lynn is here. I want to learn as much as possible from her (that will be my 38th class!), and I learn best by simultaneously listening and doing, not just watching. 

As of now, I always seem to sit out one or both sets of Standing Separate Leg Stretching because my legs are so wobbly from locking them tightly in the previous postures that I literally cannot stand up. The same is true for Eagle -- I just don't have the strength to stay in the posture. I find this ironic because those are the two postures I want and need to do the most -- I'm missing out on all the benefits of each! 

21 classes/21 days

Bikram Yoga Brewster's owner and instructor, Ann Marie, corrected my posture and changed my life and my practice tonight. (THANK YOU!)

Before class today, I talked to her about pain I have been experience in my lower back. She noticed that I naturally tilt my pelvis forward and suggested that I tuck it up and under, which forces me to engage my core muscles. 

WOW! What a difference this made in my practice tonight. I felt as if I was learning the series all over again -- I had to figure out how to breathe properly, how to stand with my weight on my heels, how to rest in savasana, how to balance on one foot, etc. I had to sit out a few postures, but I felt SO ENERGIZED and EXCITED to learn about my tilt and to start correcting it. I'm even sitting with my pelvis tucked up and under now! 

I'm anticipating soreness in my abs, but I can deal with that so much better than a pinched nerve in my lower back. I need to strengthen my core anyway. 

19 classes/19 days

Everyone always talks about how Bikram yoga will make you sleep better than you ever have in your life. I currently find no truth in that statement. 

I'm having trouble falling asleep at night, and when I get to sleep, I'm having trouble staying asleep (which might be because of our four cats playing and begging for attention). The muscles in my back, on my sides, and in my shoulders feel as though they are shifting, changing, and rearranging. It is quite painful and uncomfortable, and I find myself popping more ibuprofen than I would like. Luckily, I do not feel the pain and discomfort as much in class because of the heat. I have intentionally placed myself in hotter spots of the room the past few classes to get as much exposure to heat as possible. 

I also find myself waking up several times each night to empty my bladder. This is very unusual for me. I used to be able to go to sleep and not move for 10 hours. Now I'm tossing and turning and making trips to the bathroom at all hours of the night. (I'm not necessarily drinking more water than I used to -- drinking water has been a sort of hobby of mine for years -- and I have healthy sweat beads all over my body in class, so what gives?)

And on top of all of that, I find myself yawning when I take the morning classes because I am not getting enough sleep. I'm fortunate enough to be able to take long naps in the afternoons to catch up on sleep, but this is a less-than-ideal schedule. And I worry what will happen when I get a job -- how do people who work full weeks do a challenge? I'm exhausted, and I'm not even working!

16 classes/16 days

New teacher, new energy in class; same intense pain and tightness in my achilles. 

But ultimately I'm just another body on a mat. 

14 classes/14 days

I'm a wimp.

It's raining and thundering, and there's a whole lotta lightning. And I don't like driving through standing water (of which there is a lot).

So no yoga for me today. It's not worth feeling like I'm going to die.

(I know. Excuses, excuses.)

14 classes/13 days

I feel stronger and stronger each day, especially in my legs (with the exception of my achilles). I like locking my knee so hard that it feels like it's pressing against the pit of my knee.

13 classes/12 days

After helping me grab both of my feet today in bow, Ann Marie, the owner of Bikram Yoga Brewster, announced my 100-day challenge to the class and asked if she could send the link to this blog to the studio's mailing list. She called my blog "raw" and "honest." Well, I don't know how to be anything else!

While being applauded in savasana is a little embarrassing (I'm doing this for myself, not for recognition), people following my "progress" and cheering me on increases my accountability to myself and to my practice. It's always easy to make excuses: my head hurts, my muscles are sore, I'm tired, I ate too much, I'm hungry, etc. The hardest thing about Bikram yoga is just getting to the studio. Just get there, and the rest will work itself out in the moving meditation.

So, thank you for reading, and thank you for helping to hold me accountable. Feel free to leave comments on my posts or to friend me on Facebook!

n.b. -- Class went well today. And as I mentioned above, I was able to grab my foot in bow with some help. I'm so close to being able to grab both feet on my own. Also, my achilles are still so achy during the warm-up postures. When I got a massage the other day, the massage therapist commented that my achilles are very tight and I have to be careful not to move beyond pain. I'm doing my best to be honest with myself -- I do want to feel the stretch, and I do not want to make any more excuses for myself in the hot box!

And finally:

 We will miss you, Andy! Good luck in Vienna! Come back soon!

12 classes/11 days

I was a bit tired in class today because I stayed up later than I should have.

But I HAD to watch the Oregon Ducks' season opener.

I wish I could have been at Autzen.

That's all for today! Looking forward to class in the morning!

11 classes/10 days

I dipped into my yoga savings bank -- having pulled two doubles recently -- on Thursday and didn't attend any classes. Instead, I got a deep tissue massage. I was still in an extraordinary amount of pain ... and everything was just off.

Then I went to class on Friday, which I left feeling as bad as I describe in the previous post. I went to the supermarket and got a venti caramel frappuccino, a pistachio muffin, and a powdered donut (all of which I split/shared with my partner). I was feeling self-destructive. I came home and sobbed for no apparent reason, and I felt depressed all day. I was in a very dark place. I described it to my partner, who is a writer, as writing pages of brilliant material and then watching the computer crash and finding that everything on the computer is irretrievable. I had been practicing Bikram yoga fairly regularly for the past few weeks, and I was seeing improvements, however subtle, in each class. Then BAM. I crashed.

It turns out that everything I was experiencing -- from the soreness to the feeling that my muscles were replaced with wet sandbags, from the fatigue to the intense headache, from the stomach cramps to the nausea -- was a result of forgetting to take my daily dosage of medicine for a few days. I was suffering from withdrawal symptoms!

Today I went to class and felt great. I had taken my medicine, and I had even taken a pill of the important B vitamins. I was able to do most of the postures, although I sat out a full set of a few postures. I'm still regaining some strength, but I FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN!